Did I say you could take my picture? :: 2006-02-18 :: 8:44 p.m.

Favorite David Letterman Top 10 :: 2006-02-16 :: 11:03 p.m.

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is A Vampire

10. Once a week a Domino's guy enters, and doesn't leave

9. Claims his back never felt better since switching to Sealy Posturepedic coffin

8. Always seems sad when you wear a turtleneck

7. You see him getting stake in the crotch on Transylvania's Funniest Home Videos

6. He's lived in that house since 1783

5. Opens can of Hawaiian Punch with his teeth

4. When you bring up the 200 bucks he owes you, he turns into a bat and flies away

3. Comes home from Sam's Club with a picnic-sized container of human blood

2. Well, there's the "Vampires Do It Upside Down" bumper sticker

1. He's pale and creepy, but he ain't Michael Jackson

Easy bake oven gone wild. :: 2006-02-08 :: 1:45 p.m.

Here's a gift you're glad your kid didn't get for Christmas.

Memory Test. :: 2006-02-04 :: 11:19 p.m.

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling,
and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is
three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second
man.

The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the
third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Casting The First Stone. :: 2006-02-01 :: 10:42 p.m.

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

Hey, it's my turn! :: 2006-02-01 :: 9:59 p.m.

Why Cats Should Not Have Guns :: 2006-02-01 :: 9:57 p.m.